How To Put In Contact Lenses

… without ripping them apart and cursing all the “know-it-all’s” out there who keep saying, “Oh, it’s easy, once you get the hang of it.”

Rrrrrrrr …

I know what a pain in the neck it is to relentlessly stretch apart the skin around your eyes (which ladies my age should avoid at all costs), and repeatedly poke your eyeball with a miniscule, flimsy piece of plastic you can barely see.  In fact, you can’t see it, because you’re half blind and that’s why you need the damn thing to begin with.

But the pain in my neck from craning to adjust my vision with progressive eyeglasses brought me to my knees.  I surrendered.  I had to try contact lenses once more.

Last time I tried, I got the same contacts my teenage daughter got – the tiny two-week wonders.  She got the hang of it in no time.  But mine was a different story.

“I can’t tell which way it’s supposed to go in,” I kept telling the vision care technician.

“It’s easy,” she said, as I muttered profanities under my breath.  “Look,” she said as she held the lense up to the light on the tip of her finger.  “This is the right way, see?”

“I guess.”

“Now look,” she said, turning it inside out and balancing it on her fingertip in the light.  “This is the wrong way.  The ends go out, see?”

“No.”

“You don’t see the difference?”

“Not at all.”

“Well,” she smiled, “if you put it in the wrong way, it will hurt, and you’ll know you need to turn it around.”

Is she out of her mind?  If I spend an hour putting in one piece of plastic the wrong way, you actually think I’m going to re-insert it … AFTER I struggle for another fifteen minutes to get it out?

Needless to say, I gave up on the whole contact lense idea rather quickly.

But this time my aching neck lies in the balance.  I’ve got to figure out this whole contact thing.

I told the doctor I needed something I could actually see, and know which way to put it in.

“I’ve got just the thing,” he said.  “It lasts four to six weeks, and it’s a little bigger.”

Bigger?  You want me to stretch my eye lids even wider apart to insert something bigger?

He struggled to get them into my ever-blinking eyes, and finally succeeded.  Then I had to go to another room with a technician to take them out and re-insert them myself.

I poked my eyeballs, dropped the contacts, rinsed them, and repeated the process over and over again.

“Why can’t I do this?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s easy, once you get the hang of it.”

Rrrrrrrr …

The next morning, it took me two hours – I kid you not – to put those stupid pieces of plastic on my eyeballs.

What’s wrong with me?  There are millions of people out there walking around with contact lenses, and I would venture to say that I’m smarter than a few of them.  If they can do it, then by golly, so can I!  I just have to break the code …

I wanted someone with experience to stand over me and tell me every single thing I was doing wrong.  I was doing something wrong, because they weren’t going in!

I called my daughter.  “You’re probably just blinking too fast,” she said.

I’m blinking too fast.  That’s a big help.  Thank you for that.

I put the silly contact down, went to the computer, and Googled “how to put in contact lenses.”  I watched YouTube and Howcast videos, read eHow and wikiHow articles, and went back to the bathroom.  More stretching of the skin I shouldn’t be stretching, more blinking, dropping and cleaning the piece of plastic, more muttering and frustration.

What’s the secret code, for crying out loud?

After a week of struggling, and managing to get the darn things in, not knowing what I was doing right or wrong, I was getting rather discouraged, to say the least.

What does everyone else know that I don’t know?  Why is this so difficult?

I moved away from the bathroom sink, and set up shop at my desk, with the bright interrogation lamp pointed toward my face.  I set up my new magnified mirror stand, with plenty of paper towels on hand.

Yesterday I started to break the code.

Let’s see, what’s the definition of insanity?  Hmmm … doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

I’ve got to try something different!  Look in another direction, place it in another part of the eye … just keep doing something different until I find what works for me!

I found one lady’s advice online to be very helpful – do everything very slowly … and I would add … deliberately.  For me, I try to aim the bottom of the lense into the inside bottom of my eyelid.  Then I look away, and try to put it on the white of my eye.  I close my eyes, and hope to God that the stupid thing is in.  Most times I open my eyes to find it sitting under my eye, but those times are getting fewer and shorter.  Somehow or another, I’m breaking the code.

I wish I had more answers, but I’m beginning to think it’s an individual thing.  Some people are quicker at getting it than others, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that the slow learners are stupid.  Maybe we’re just too anal about analyzing every single detail and breaking it down into a scientific formula.

Clean your hands, make sure they’re dry and your eye area is clean and dry, and very slowly and deliberately, place the stupid thing inside your eyelids without blinking.

I’m sure my thinking and attitude has a lot to do with it.  The person who thinks he can’t is right.  So is the person who thinks she can.  Instead of asking myself, “Why can’t I do this?” and letting my subconscious mind go to work on answering that question, I should ask (since the mind loves to answer questions and solve problems), “Why can I do this?”  “Why is this so easy?”  “Why do I love these adorable little pieces of plastic?”

Peace, and I wish you success!

Postscript:

I’ve cracked the code!  For me, anyway.  If you’re still having trouble, try this:

Have plenty of light, a magnified mirror if it helps, and a comfortable position.  (Leaning over the bathroom sink may not be the most comfortable spot!)

If you’re inserting the lense into your right eye, angle your right eye away from the mirror, while still looking into it.  (Your pupil will be toward your nose, exposing the white of your eye toward the outer part.)

Hold your eyelids apart with your two middle fingers, with the right finger below your right eye.

With lense on right forefinger, SLOWLY place it on the outer white of your eye while looking into the mirror.

Slowly close your eye over the lense and move your eyeball around.

Open your eyes.  Hopefully, it’s in!

Of course, no one tells you you’ll still be blind for a few weeks until your eyes adjust to the contacts … she says as she hunches over the keyboard, twelve inches from the monitor …

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7 Responses to “How To Put In Contact Lenses”

  1. slowdancejournal Says:

    I can’t even administer my own eyedrops! The idea of sticking things in my eye is positively horrible. I will forever, and always wear glasses–usually balanced on top of my head. Perhaps vision is overrated…

    Adrian

  2. digimichan Says:

    >.< Having contacts seems too complicated for me. I'd rather rock some stylish glasses instead. I can't even put on eye drops for the life of me! I feel your pain. I need prescription Sunglasses hard to wear glasses and see probably in this weather.

  3. terri Says:

    Ok, i just got contact lens with bifocals. i can see better than the contacts without the bifocal. but i still do not see as clear as with my glasses. i took them out after 6 hours today. my eyes seem dry and a little uncomfortable. i really want to wear them, just wondering if my eyes have to get use to them so i can see more clearly. i am hoping i can put them in tomorrow!

  4. vision without glasses reviews Says:

    Howdy! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out
    and say I really enjoy reading your posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same topics?
    Thanks a lot!

    • judyransom Says:

      Hi, Christina! I’m abashedly going through past comments I missed replying to. Please forgive me! Let’s see … blogs with the same topics … I don’t know who has been on a journey similar to mine, but I’m sure there are plenty of them out there. Thanks so much for your kind words. Have a blessed day!

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